One of my alltime favs is this old Supertramp song. It has this melancholy and happiness together, that always was on my mind in schooldays. I confess, my understanding of school was different these days, for me it was my social place, it was it’s own world where I was one of the makers, all the time. If I had the opportunity to chose, I would still be a scholar. But with the graduation it abruptly ended and so were my successes. All that followed wasn’t half as interesting like school, army, university, working. What I miss(ed) was the social system of school, where intelligence paid out in good certifications and respect of others at schoolyears end. My life was never again so happy than this time.
Now I’m on school again, learning again. OK, certainly I knew that schools for adult people wouldn’t be like my former school. But it is harder than expected. I’m together in one class with people that should sit in their rubber cell at the next psychological clinic, quick! People who throw their keyboard all through the classroom when entering a BSOD or a program won’t work, people who come and go when they think it’s time to, people who talk to the teacher as if they meet their friends down in the street near the oilbarrel where they burn old books and newspaper in. All together: it’s disgusting.
First I thought that I can deal with these guys, accept the acceptable, ignore the rest and learn the things I want to know and leave alone the rest, that’s what I did on work when I realized that people don’t want either help nor criticism, they just want to stay what they are, sometimes stupid. But this time it’s the other way round: they won’t leave me alone. As one of the exposed persons of the class (And here we have one of the best workouts, truly an A grade for Nico…, thanks Mister Teacherman!) they are after me. I can do what I want, turn off my sarcastic side, keep quiet all the time, they will pick and kick me again and again.
I’m not the one who reacts on the »Lets go outside and handle the case like two man!«-opportunity, no that’s not my way. But yesterday it was near to do so. Okay, I mocked about the bad habbit of the number one psycho but what followed was harder than before. He totally tilt, he was crying and throwing curses to me, loud, in front all the other classmembers. And everyone in the room stayed absolutely quiet. No reaction. No one said: »Hey, keep cool, shut up!« or something. Nothing. I’m over thirty years old, should I struggle with people like in primary school? Seems that this habbit would be more accepted in class instead of keeping (outsidely) cool, explaining that physically fighting is not my opportunity. What bothers me most was the lack of reaction from the rest of the class. No support. None.
Adults. LOL. They act like children and don’t realise it. Fuck off. I took a free day today, to think over, to calm the waves. And I wrote these lines, in english, cause I know the people I speak about don’t have the ability to read this. Stupid as they are…